I’ve been AWOL and crappy for the past few months but now I’m back. I have discovered that I need this blog as an escape, it helps me to work through my thoughts and gives me so much support in recovery and reaching my goals.
I feel I need to be honest here. The trigger to my relapse of sorts was my grandad’s heart attack in Feb. That night I remember so clearly, it was to most emotion I’ve felt since my granny died. I couldn’t handle it then. I still can’t now. So I ate. I ate until I couldn’t eat anymore, until I felt sick. And then I made myself throw up. And so it all began again.
Since then I have been awful, bingeing then throwing up. Then repeat. For months. I would say i’ve had it under control again for about 3 weeks now. I want to reach my goals so badly and I want 2013 to be the year that I succeed in doing this.
I’ve also come to the conclusion that I very much dislike who I’ve become. I hate how much of a horrible, selfish, bitchy person I am. I am awful to be around. I need to change this as well. So all in all there isn’t much I like about myself at the moment. But I guess coming to terms with this and working towards being a healthier, better person will be good for me.